Oketta

'Good exercise man', says the man sitting on a bench in the park as I jog past.  I have been doing stretches on the grass.  Next to the bench is a metal walker with a grey plastic handle.  He gives me two thumbs up.  'Thank you', I say jogging on.  Then, realising an opportunity, I circle and return.  He seems happy to provide me with an answer.

'I am originally from a country called Uganda', he tells me.  I say I have heard of it.  'But I have been here since 1988', he says, 'and I am now a British citizen'.  I ask if he is local.  He points to a house on the corner.  'It was given to me by the council of Lambeth', he says.

I thank him for his help and say it was nice to meet him  His two thumbs return to the upright position.  'God bless you too, man', he says as I pick up my pace.

Alfredo

Returning home without a middle name, the minutes are ticking down until midnight.  With the internet close at hand I decide, for the first time since 8th January, to delve into the world of internet chat-rooms.  This time I try chatroulette.  The screen in front of me flashes images until I find someone with whom I want to make contact.  There is a man with a headset grinning manically, a grainy face with glasses staring blankly and a man reclining on a sofa waiting for something.  The anonymity makes me nervous.  I do not turn on my webcam.  I find another blank screen and begin a conversation. 

Connected to somebody.
Location: Mexico

You: Hello
Partner: hi
You: this is a strange question
You: but I have a new years resolution to find someone's middle name every day this year
Partner: what
You: do you have a middle name
Partner: yeap
Partner: its alfred
You: that doesn't sound very mexican
Partner: alfredo
You: ah
Partner: i miss an o
You: where are you from in mexico?
Partner: sonora
You: i went to mexico when i was nineteen
Partner: how old are you?
You: i'm 32
Partner: good
You: yes. i think it is good. thank you.
Partner: :)
Partner: im 18
You: a good age too.
You: that really was my question. thank you for your help
Partner: yeah jsjs
You: i don't know what jsjs means
Partner: its like jaja
You: is that like haha?
Partner: ajam
You: nice to meet you, middle name alfredo, i hope you have a good day
Partner: thank you :)
Partner: nice to meet you too
You: do you say 'adios' in mexico or is that just
You: spain
Partner: we too say it
You: i thought so. adios y muchas gracias.
Partner: bye

Glad that it is over, I turn off my computer and go to bed.

John

'You've struck a sore point there', says the lady in the shop in a small village near the sea.  Outside is a blackboard on which was written 'WINE' and 'CHARCOAL'.  We are buying eggs, cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, muesli and yogurt.  All the hummus has been snappled by other wedding guests. 

'My mother didn't believe in long names', she says.  Her first name is a single syllable.  'She didn't want to give us names that could be shortened', she says.  'She didn't realise that you could lengthen them'.  She tells us that she has long regretted the fact that she wasn't given a middle name.  Today's, instead, belongs to her son ('What's it for?' asked her mother when she saw his birth certificate).

'You can't be an English cricketer without at least a few names', she says.  I tell her I'd never noticed that.  'Look it up', she says.

(Later, I google the English test squad that will face Pakistan in the United Arab Emirates.  I don't notice a huge propensity towards multiple names but most of them do, at least have one middle.  They are John, Nathan, Michael (x2), Ronald, Singh (x2), Thomas, Joseph Gerard, Peter (x2), James and Jonathan Leonard.  Stuart Broad and Graham Onions buck the trend and remain without.)

Henry

A shot of jagermeister sits on the bar in front of me.  A fellow party-guest stands beside me.  I introduce myself.  He is wearing a white rugby shirt, has short-back-and-sides and works for the government.  His demeanour is hearty.

I have never tasted jagermeister before so ask him what it is like.  He compares it to an expensive and sweet mouthwash.  His middle name is after both of his grandfathers, neither of whom he knew.

From the other side of the bar a countdown commences.  We clink our shot glasses and down them on command.  His description is not inaccurate.

Stowen

A man at a bus shelter mumbles something about pennies as I pass.  I have a pound in my pocket and pause to get it out.  He is wearing a padded jacket and has cropped hair that is only marginally longer than his stubble.  His head is hung low and his eyes look up in my direction.  I explain my question.  He leans towards me to understand.

His answer is unclear and I ask if he could repeat it.  He spells it out for me.  I ask where it comes from.  He shrugs.  'Don't know', he says.  Worried that I have annoyed him, I begin to leave.  'Thank you', I say.  'I'm sorry...'  He looks at me.  'No, no, no', he says, 'thank you very much'.

Leigh

Having failed to make use of the girl on the tube who talked to me about the book I was reading, television adaptations and San Francisco, I have to resort to the streets at night.

Over the road, lit by the phosphorescent bulb of a bus shelter, sit two girls in leggings with big blonde hair and heavy make-up.  I decide to try my chances.  The one on the left gives me an answer straight away.  I check the spelling.  She corrects me.  'It's that way for girls', she says.  'I didn't know that', I say.  'Well she's Jamie Lee like boy's spelling', she says gesturing towards her companion who nods an acknowledgment.

I ask if they are sisters.  'Nah', says the one on the right.  The other one giggles.  'Do you think we look like sisters?', she says.  I say they could be.

'Thank you for you help', I say.  'Bye then', they say.

Anne

'Do you know anything about hoovers?' I ask the woman with braided hair.  Her earrings are long silver hoops that each clasp a different-coloured sphere. She is wheeling a trolley.  'No', she says.  'Oh, okay', I say.  'Only joking', she says, 'what do you want to know?'

We discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the low-budget range.  I end by choosing the smallest and the cheapest.  'I've got an expensive one 'cos I love animals', she says.  'But if you've just got a wooden floor I'm sure that'll be fine'.  We take it to the till.

She looks at me with suspicion as I explain my resolution.  'Will you tell me yours?' I ask.  'No', she says.  I look dismayed.  'What's yours?' she asks.  I tell her.  'If I tell you my first name, you have to guess it', she says.  I agree to the terms.  Her first name is Beverly.  I guess 'Marie' and 'Joy'.  'No', she says, 'it goes'.  In desperation I try 'Knight'.  'That's my last name', she says.  It is my turn to look suspicious.

She loses patience and gives me an answer.  'It goes, see', she says, 'like Sue-Ann'.  I ask if she spells it with or without an 'e'.  'I've never found out', she says, 'but I like to put an 'e' on 'cos it's a bit more fancy'.  She suddenly becomes loquacious.  'I could give you forty-nine middle names if you wanted', she says.  She explains that there are forty-nine members of her family not including first cousins.  'My nephew's got twenty-seven names', she says.  I say that sounds like a lot.  'We're a family of Rastas', she says, 'they like their names'.  I ask if he can remember then all.  'I don't think he cares', she says.

She puts some security tape on the box and tells me not to lose my receipt.  We wish each other good afternoons.